"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that does not serve you, grow you, or make you happy."

This is a lesson that I really need to learn for myself.  And that I have started to learn over the past couple of weeks.

As most of you know I was adopted. When I was 5 weeks old my grandmother (I'll call her Mom) showed up at my biological mom's (I'll call her Tammy) house.  She found me, screaming in a dirty bassinet. Tammy was lying in her bed screaming back at me.  My mom asked Tammy about a trash bag that was lying on the front porch.  "Why didn't Shawn take the trash out?"  It wasn't trash though. "That's not trash.. It's puppies." That was Tammy's response.  Her boyfriend, who didn't want me, didn't want the puppies HIS dog had given birth to, so he put them in a garbage bag and tied it shut.  He didn't even give them a second thought, HE DIDN'T CARE!

My mom took me that day, brought me to a safe environment.  She went back to Tammy's house a few days later to get more of my clothes.  Tammy, her boyfriend, and a couple friends were getting ready to go to the mall.  Tammy looked straight at my mom and said, "You're not bringing her back are you?" 

When Tammy and her boyfriend found out that they could no longer get as much financial aid from the state without me, they tried to get me back.  My mom was NOT going to let me go back to the hell hole they were living in.  Tammy and her boyfriend's sister showed up at my mom's house, screaming at and threatening to harm my mom.  But she didn't back down! She got a lawyer involved, and got custody of me.

To this day, Tammy still refuses to tell me why she didn't want me.  All she says is, "I don't know." She said once that she didn't have the money, but that can't be true.  She got income from the state, WIC, and other financial aid.  She constantly lies about it.  She tries to say that it wasn't because she didn't want me, but the statement made that day my mom went to get some of my clothes proves it was.

Onto my realization though:

After Tammy moved back in my freshman year of high school, I became depressed and perpetually angry.  And I realize now, it's because I have all sorts of pent up anger about what she did to me.  But now I know, I can't live like that.

I started  going to church again, and I've come to know that God put me on this path to prosper me, not hurt me.  I know that if I hadn't been found that day, I would NOT be the woman that I am today, and honestly, I'd probably be dead.  I would NEVER have the opportunities I have right now, nor would I have met any of the incredible people that I now have in my life.

And I've come to terms with the fact that Tammy was simply a womb donor.  He will judge her one day for her actions, so for now, I don't have to forget about what she did or forgive her, but I can let go of the frustration and anger.  Sometimes the things she does makes it hard to not get frustrated, but I don't have to anymore.

So on that note:

I want to sincerely thank the people that have made my life possible.  I have messed up quite a few times, but so have they.  Are failures have made us stronger, and brought us closer and I know I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for them. <3