"The more you stir the old turd, the more it stinks."

Meaning: The more you gossip and fight, the worse the outcome gets.

Every family has drama and bullshit that they must endure, but this little incident between my mother and her sister (C) has gotten completely out of hand.  It went from a little spat between the two of them, to a FULL OUT WAR in a matter of minutes.

Here's what happened:
My mom's brother (S) had to have surgery on his colon on 9/31/12.  My mother tried for 3 days to get C to come to our house, because she was going to ride with us to the hospital (saying it was an hour and a half away).  C never came to our house, and then the day before the surgery told my mom she was no longer coming out because "she had other plans with her family."  Then, after my mom asked one last time if she was coming out C went off and snapped, "I'm just having _____ bring me up." 

My mom had called S earlier in the day, after being blown off, and he had gotten upset.  His nurses didn't want him to talk to anyone for a while after that because they wanted him to rest, so my mom got the blame for that.

After finally getting off the phone (and I'll admit my mom blew up, in a way she shouldn't have) C started texting my mother.  Only, it wasn't C texting her, it was C's children.  They were very rude, and said things that didn't need to be said.  My mother was very hurt, but her, my cousin, and I all went to the hospital to see S and had a great time regardless.

But then tonight I noticed a card sitting on the end table in our living room, and of course it's addressed to my mom.  It's from her sister (R).  And what's in it? A letter, in a way, telling my mom had to live her life... all because of this spat turned war. I know you're probably thinking, "Well aren't you doing the same thing you're complaining about? Just continuing the war?" And I can honestly say that yes, I am... but this letter is where I come into the mix.  I had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with this fight, and yet my name got brought into the mess.

I quote:
"I have heard you so many, many times, 'I have to do this. I am the caregiver.' You are not. Kathy, C, S, Me, L, Aunisty, and Tammy are adults. You are NOT responsible for our actions and mistakes... YOU need to stop trying to 'mother' everyone."

Now, let me just say.. though R has a point and my mother does need to quit "mothering" C, S, and herself... I AM HER DAUGHTER. And though she doesn't need to take responsibility for my actions or my mistakes (I'm perfectly capable of handling them on my own), she SHOULD be there for me in my times of need.  That's what mother's do right? 

The letter further says:
"If they call you with their needs and problems set up boundaries."

There shouldn't be boundaries on what I can and cannot tell my mother, especially when it comes to my needs and problems. And then... this is where it gets REALLY GOOD! She goes on to tell my mother how she needs to "surrender her life to God."  I know R is only trying to look out for my mother, but my mother's relationship with God is her business... and HER BUSINESS alone! It has NOTHING to do with ANYONE in the family, other than HER!

"Les cannot save you, Aunisty cannot save you, Tammy cannot save you, your sister's and brother's cannot save you..."

No one said we were trying to save her, nor did she come to us to be saved so I don't know why this even got brought up!

"You have told me so many times that you believe.  Yet, my heart senses you do not have a personal, life relationship with God... When we (and we are all sinner's) accept that God will change our life.  He will make it complete.  I urge you to repent and ask god to save you.  Give him all your heartache and anger and let him carry you.  Talk to God and then begin to do these things. 1. Pray daily and 2. Read the Bible daily.  Fill your heart and mind with his Word. 3. Find a good Bible preaching church and go.  You need to be fed and nurtured and you will get that at church."

How my mother chooses to worship her beliefs, again.. is up to her and her alone! No one has the right to tell her how to follow her beliefs, or how to live her life! This is one thing I CANNOT stand. I HATE when people try to push their beliefs on other people.  They  put all of the other followers of those beliefs in a bad light, being pushy and arrogant.  

In the end of this letter she brings up how she wants everything to be relieved quickly because of my mother having Multiple Sclerosis (MS).  She also lists this as a reason my mother should find Jesus, but again.. that's her decision.  I really think, that if R wanted things to be revolved quickly she simply would have said "This is between you and C (or vice versa when C called)." And then R would have let it go at that, there would have been no letter sent or any reason to talk to any of the other siblings.  

This whole line of bullshit is really perturbing me tonight and I wanted to get things off my chest so I leave you with this:

"The more you stir the old turd, the more it stinks."

And BTW: my mother has no idea that this is being sent, so if you are part of the family and have something to say... bring it up to ME!